someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
