who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
