Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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