it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
