WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
