Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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