we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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