oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
