It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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