My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
