what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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