So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
