Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
