I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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