This is not my ceiling
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just puked most of my soul out..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
