I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ketchup is God's man juice
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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