I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
