I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
