can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
