she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
