You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
