We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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