trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
