there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
