can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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