she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
