Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
