More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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