I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who died my cat blue again?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
