as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
