My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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