I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
