i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
