I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
