Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There r osticjed everywhere
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
