she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
