I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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