Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
