Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
