Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
