last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
