fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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