I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
