if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
