Kareoke will never be a sober sport
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
