And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
