pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
