did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
