it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
