I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
